Love is one of the most important things we need to survive after maybe air, water, food and shelter in the same order. Although we get a major chunk of the love we need from a few people in our life but we need it in small quantities from lots of other people for emotional security and a healthy mind and each kind of love plays an important role in it. True love variety is the hardest to find. Why is it so?
This post is an effort to uncover the mystery behind this simple question. Everyone we know can vouch for being truly in love with at least one person in their life if not more yet most people don`t appreciate and understand the meaning of love. One has to be fortunate to be surrounded by people who know how to put this all important emotion in to practice. You've to see it and experience it first hand before you can practice it. Sometimes it flows from the depths of our hearts without us knowing or having any control over it. But usually we learn to love from our parents. Their definition of love becomes ours. Here`s an effort to define it and tricks to put it to work.
First of all love is selfless. Wherever one starts bringing one`s selfish motives into it, love loses its deep red color. Yet its important to balance. A parent may not be able to sleep at night if her child is unwell and restless. And the same parent may not be able to stay awake for nights together if needed. Its practically not possible and not even advisable. That is not being selfish, that`s balancing. But when parents want to control their adult children`s life so that they don`t lose importance in their child`s life, that love is selfish. Sorry but that is not love. If you have always truly loved your child, he or she will value your presence in their life and want you to be near them and they will make efforts to be there for you physically as well emotionally. If you think your adult child is drifting away from you emotionally, it means there is a drawback in your own love for him or her so that its not needed as badly any more. Don`t blame the child for behaving the way he does. You may blame the times, the new generation, the media influence.. But times have always been changing. Your time was different from your parents' time. The same applies to your children. Love is still the same, it has the same ethos and the same meaning.
Love is not about good times. Yes the obvious meaning is being there for each other in good times or bad. But love also means to be strict when the child is making wrong choices. This is done from the very beginning. The child shouldn't get away doing things which are principally wrong. This is important so that it creates a system where even when we grow old and our actions have bigger repercussions, we follow the right path. A simple example is when the child lies to you for the first time, you have to explain it to him lovingly but if he keeps repeating, the parent should get strict with him. And when he grows older if he lies, he feels guilty because he knows it is not right. If a mother slaps her grown up son for coming home drunk, he fully realises his mistake. If the mother ignores it the first time, the son will repeat it and it will become a habit slowly. Again balancing is important, trying to understand the reason behind the childs behaviour and working on the cause will not only make it easier for the child to fight the situation but it also strengthens your relationship with him.
Again love is not about good times only. If your child is doing well you are happy. If he is failing, you form opinion about him that he is like that only and dont make efforts to help him improve then you are most useless parent. This applies at any stage of his life, be it 4, 24 or 40 years. Good parents always strive to make their children better human beings better at everything. If you think now the child is older and he wont need you, and he wont listen to you, then you are wrong. And very wrong. God has made us human beings such that we need our parents always. Dont run away now that he or she is older and you think now is the time to only reap benefits of raising your kids. Love is a never ending process.
Partiality between children is poison for the whole family, your family will break down sooner or later. If one of your child is failing, it means he needs special attention. Its doesn't mean you favor the other child and disrespect the weaker child. Again it applies at any stage. We develop our sense of right and wrong with the help of our parents. If parents can't be just among their kids, the world can collapse for the child. You are sowing seeds of failures for your weaker child as well as the favored child.
Respect respect respect. Respect your spouse, respect your parents, respect your in laws, respect your relatives, respect yourself and respect your servants. Your child apes you. A part of loving your child is to become a role model for her. And the golden trick is to respect people in your mind as it will show up in your words and actions unknowingly.
Love is a never ending process. It starts when your child is born and ends when you die. You do bring your children into this world for your own happiness but they dont realize this. They come into this world for themselves. But you ought to live for them, strive to give them the right values, the right morals each day, every day and find time for it all regularly. You will fail, we all do, but its important to learn, change yourself and move on and never stop.
Love is a challenge. There will be times especially during the teenage when the child will rebel against your ideas and rules. Understand that with age, the challenges of love become more mental and emotional than physical as was when the child was younger. This changing age of the child means more efforts from the parent to understand his point of view and needs more warmth and care. Low points are there in any relationship. Holding on to your feelings of love for the person is important as they are under threat under such situations and can kill the relationship.
Love means giving freedom. I have sought examples of parent child relationship only till now as we all can relate to it but all of them apply to any relationship. This point applies better to a man and wife relationship. Giving freedom to your partner to be who he or she wants to be is essential. If you point out what you dont like about everything your wife wears, she will feel humiliated. If you are trying to control how your partner looks, talks, carries herself, eats, you are essentially customizing her to suit your idea of what is right. This is poison. You are either poisoning your relationship with her or you are giving slow poison to her. It will show up for sure. Love is when you love somebody for who they are, if you need to change a person, sorry that is not love. That is tailor making a partner of your choice. Yes again balancing is important. You want to see your wife wear what you bought for her, or you want to tell her how something doesnt make her look as attractive as she is, it is understandable. But if you control her wardrobe, I would suggest run away from it yourself if you cant change.
In a parent child relationship, allowing your child to pick a career of his choice is giving them the freedom. Guiding them is important as they are young but balancing is important. I know its easy to write balancing, but see for your self if your words and actions hurt the other person every time and are not bringing the kind of change you expect, then something is not right. Get up and rethink whats lacking in your understanding.
Love is universal. Love is being empathetic and sympathetic for everyone not just for your loved ones. If you only use this emotion for your loved ones, then its useless as it teaches them to only think about themselves, their comfort and their needs.
Love is a selfless, never ending process, where you keep working always to make the life of your loved ones better so they develop and grow into better individuals. This needs you to become a better person yourself everyday so that your words and efforts get validated by your own success in life as a mature grounded and stable individual. It doesnt cost anything to say a few kind words, but it takes a lifetime to get the results. Find at least one person whom you can love this way and you will do your bit for the humanity.
This post is an effort to uncover the mystery behind this simple question. Everyone we know can vouch for being truly in love with at least one person in their life if not more yet most people don`t appreciate and understand the meaning of love. One has to be fortunate to be surrounded by people who know how to put this all important emotion in to practice. You've to see it and experience it first hand before you can practice it. Sometimes it flows from the depths of our hearts without us knowing or having any control over it. But usually we learn to love from our parents. Their definition of love becomes ours. Here`s an effort to define it and tricks to put it to work.
First of all love is selfless. Wherever one starts bringing one`s selfish motives into it, love loses its deep red color. Yet its important to balance. A parent may not be able to sleep at night if her child is unwell and restless. And the same parent may not be able to stay awake for nights together if needed. Its practically not possible and not even advisable. That is not being selfish, that`s balancing. But when parents want to control their adult children`s life so that they don`t lose importance in their child`s life, that love is selfish. Sorry but that is not love. If you have always truly loved your child, he or she will value your presence in their life and want you to be near them and they will make efforts to be there for you physically as well emotionally. If you think your adult child is drifting away from you emotionally, it means there is a drawback in your own love for him or her so that its not needed as badly any more. Don`t blame the child for behaving the way he does. You may blame the times, the new generation, the media influence.. But times have always been changing. Your time was different from your parents' time. The same applies to your children. Love is still the same, it has the same ethos and the same meaning.
Love is not about good times. Yes the obvious meaning is being there for each other in good times or bad. But love also means to be strict when the child is making wrong choices. This is done from the very beginning. The child shouldn't get away doing things which are principally wrong. This is important so that it creates a system where even when we grow old and our actions have bigger repercussions, we follow the right path. A simple example is when the child lies to you for the first time, you have to explain it to him lovingly but if he keeps repeating, the parent should get strict with him. And when he grows older if he lies, he feels guilty because he knows it is not right. If a mother slaps her grown up son for coming home drunk, he fully realises his mistake. If the mother ignores it the first time, the son will repeat it and it will become a habit slowly. Again balancing is important, trying to understand the reason behind the childs behaviour and working on the cause will not only make it easier for the child to fight the situation but it also strengthens your relationship with him.
Again love is not about good times only. If your child is doing well you are happy. If he is failing, you form opinion about him that he is like that only and dont make efforts to help him improve then you are most useless parent. This applies at any stage of his life, be it 4, 24 or 40 years. Good parents always strive to make their children better human beings better at everything. If you think now the child is older and he wont need you, and he wont listen to you, then you are wrong. And very wrong. God has made us human beings such that we need our parents always. Dont run away now that he or she is older and you think now is the time to only reap benefits of raising your kids. Love is a never ending process.
Partiality between children is poison for the whole family, your family will break down sooner or later. If one of your child is failing, it means he needs special attention. Its doesn't mean you favor the other child and disrespect the weaker child. Again it applies at any stage. We develop our sense of right and wrong with the help of our parents. If parents can't be just among their kids, the world can collapse for the child. You are sowing seeds of failures for your weaker child as well as the favored child.
Respect respect respect. Respect your spouse, respect your parents, respect your in laws, respect your relatives, respect yourself and respect your servants. Your child apes you. A part of loving your child is to become a role model for her. And the golden trick is to respect people in your mind as it will show up in your words and actions unknowingly.
Love is a challenge. There will be times especially during the teenage when the child will rebel against your ideas and rules. Understand that with age, the challenges of love become more mental and emotional than physical as was when the child was younger. This changing age of the child means more efforts from the parent to understand his point of view and needs more warmth and care. Low points are there in any relationship. Holding on to your feelings of love for the person is important as they are under threat under such situations and can kill the relationship.
Love means giving freedom. I have sought examples of parent child relationship only till now as we all can relate to it but all of them apply to any relationship. This point applies better to a man and wife relationship. Giving freedom to your partner to be who he or she wants to be is essential. If you point out what you dont like about everything your wife wears, she will feel humiliated. If you are trying to control how your partner looks, talks, carries herself, eats, you are essentially customizing her to suit your idea of what is right. This is poison. You are either poisoning your relationship with her or you are giving slow poison to her. It will show up for sure. Love is when you love somebody for who they are, if you need to change a person, sorry that is not love. That is tailor making a partner of your choice. Yes again balancing is important. You want to see your wife wear what you bought for her, or you want to tell her how something doesnt make her look as attractive as she is, it is understandable. But if you control her wardrobe, I would suggest run away from it yourself if you cant change.
In a parent child relationship, allowing your child to pick a career of his choice is giving them the freedom. Guiding them is important as they are young but balancing is important. I know its easy to write balancing, but see for your self if your words and actions hurt the other person every time and are not bringing the kind of change you expect, then something is not right. Get up and rethink whats lacking in your understanding.
Love is universal. Love is being empathetic and sympathetic for everyone not just for your loved ones. If you only use this emotion for your loved ones, then its useless as it teaches them to only think about themselves, their comfort and their needs.
Love is a selfless, never ending process, where you keep working always to make the life of your loved ones better so they develop and grow into better individuals. This needs you to become a better person yourself everyday so that your words and efforts get validated by your own success in life as a mature grounded and stable individual. It doesnt cost anything to say a few kind words, but it takes a lifetime to get the results. Find at least one person whom you can love this way and you will do your bit for the humanity.
