Wednesday 15 July 2015

the dry spell

Nursing a broken tail bone has reduced my pace & made me dull. Don't know how the two are related but I feel disconnected from God in this slowed down pace. I struggle to meditate. Every time I try, I'm hardly able to concentrate and my mind becomes very restless. I can't help it even though I'm fully aware that my mind is the one creating trouble.
I've sought various plausible theories to stop its continuous blabber but they have been ineffective. I've had such spells in the past but they have been brief. This time it has prolonged way more than I can handle. Even going back to The Geeta also didn't help this time.

I do know it well that Lord Krishna says if you are after the bliss that you derive from Bhakti/devotion you are veering off the goal which is to seek Me. If you want Mukti or Nirvana then also you are not seeking 'Me'. He says those who seek only Me, see Me everywhere & find Me in everyone, and perform all their actions as an offering to Me are very dear to Me and they attain Me.

I fully appreciate it yet here I'm, ungrateful and shallow, absorbed in pleasing my senses all the time these days. I'm sure God has a message behind it. I'm trying to read that message from all the situations I face so that I can get my devotion back in place.

Today I had to attend the condolence meeting of a neighbor who was a young businessman and a father of two little girls. It is numbing to even imagine the pain the family is going through. There is very little anyone can do apart from sympathizing. No one can bring him back. No one can replace him ever. Time only will heal their wounds slowly and that too partially. It's nothing new for me, I've also been through it but I'm trying to see it in new light to find my answers seeing the photograph of this man garlanded and kept on one side of the prayer meeting. It is so easy for me to write all this. And it must be so difficult for them to even accept that he is no more. It will take them years to even say the words that he 'died'. Till day I say I lost my father. Why is it that we don't feel other people's loss as much? Why is that apart from the grieving family all seem normal? Life is the same for everyone else!

This feeling of continuity is actually a sham. We all come into this world with an expiry date. Each one of us. Yet the world seems to be continuously moving forward and progressing. What if we are told that we all will die tomorrow? What would we do? I guess we would want to meet everyone we love and care for, make merry, pray to God and live every moment till that time comes. Knowing our collective end is near would bring us all closer and kindle our hearts with warmth for everyone not just our own family and friends. But why does the fact that we all will not die tomorrow make us selfish. If not tomorrow some other day some other time but die we will.

I'm sure there is a better answer to this question as death is not what we work towards or look forward to but there is another aspect to it. I believe God has created this world in a way that it is not easy to seek Him or know very obviously that seeking Him is the right thing to do. The inevitable end of everything is disguised behind the sham of newness and the continuity that this world offers. If we could see what is coming, we would live our life very differently. But because we don't know what lies ahead, we please our self with whatever means we have and behave selfishly. If we believe that this day is the best time to remember God, to be grateful to Him for what He has given us, to love everyone, to be good to others, to be honest and giving, it will make it so easy to reach out to Him and He will Himself show us how. We just have to train our minds to regularly pull out from our daily rut and observe that the world is transient. And that God resides in each one of us. As much in you as in me. Hurting anyone is hurting God Himself, loving everyone is loving God.

I did get this message from God today but the joy of the knowledge of His unconditional love for me still eludes me.
The peace that the knowledge of Him being everywhere, in the past, present and future is still what I crave for. I wish am able to dispel this spell soon. Else everything seems a waste.

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